Just not sure I’m ready, or if I’ll ever be.

So this little lady flies off to prep next week. I cannot believe school is upon us! I remember when Otis started school, I blogged about everyone telling you – as you held your very newborn baby – that ‘they’ll be off to school before you know it.’ I did a thousand internal eye rolls to this every time.

But when it’s here and it’s beating down your door, you really do wonder where the time went.

I’m already having all the feels. I think about all those times I longed for space, even just five minutes to shower alone. But now it’s not far off, I’m not sure I want it.

I wonder if I’ve done enough. Have we had enough adventures? Did I sit still with you for long enough? Should I have just dropped more of my ‘have to get this done’ to just BE with you. Did I really need to snap and get shitty all those times? Could I have been more? More present, more patient, more loving.

I know it’s not the end, it’s the beginning of a new chapter for her especially. But these days of her and I, and us as we know it, are changing.

Nothing confronts me more as a mama than change. Because change means growth. And while, yes, sometimes the days where your babies are a bit bigger bring an easing of sorts, they also make my little heart ache.

Not really sure how to bundle up all this emotion and I won’t even have my number one #girlboss around telling me what to do about it 😘! I do remember how completely unnerved I felt for the first semester of oat’s schooling. Like the rug had been pulled for under my feet! So I’m preparing for a bit of that 😳

For now though; it’s chocolate 🍦 on the couch and a movie, just Ryan, Ami and I. We’re enjoying a girlsie night while Otis is having a sleepover and Arlo is in bed. Let’s just linger in this bubble a little longer hey babe? 💕💫🙌🏼 (📷 @kikiandbully)

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